Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
