I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
