I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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