somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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