Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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