How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
