he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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