your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
