someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
