now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
