This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
