we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize