I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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