Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
