He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
