I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
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His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
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I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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