Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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