last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
