we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
