I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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