What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
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