and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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