My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
