I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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