No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
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