The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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