wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
