I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
