she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
