I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
