You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
