I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
