it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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