I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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