I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
