he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
