I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
