i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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