you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
