Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
