I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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