If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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