Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
