Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
