I swear god or herbie drove my car home
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
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i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
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I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.