Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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