i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.