$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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