dude i'm inner monologue high
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
