Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
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The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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