At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
