It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
