I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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