I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
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she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We are all done wearing pants today
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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