Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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