capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
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