She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize