Even water is tasting like jack daniels
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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