And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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