There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
