Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
