Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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