I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
