I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
