He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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