guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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