Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
