Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
