'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
