chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
