he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
