He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
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This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
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