If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
