My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
