It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
