im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
you made out with another girl for some wings
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
