we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
