If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
