I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
