His pubic hair was longer than his dick
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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