I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
