She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
