Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I need moral support for this bender
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
