that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
