Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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