I bet he comes in French.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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