I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
