Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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